Balance & Boundary

Tipping the Scales and Blurring the Limits

Balance and Boundary: Tipping the Scales and Blurring the Limits

Amidst an incessant and somehow accepted belief that our endless pursuit of progress and connectivity is essential, two fundamental words keep showing up in conversations. Balance and boundary. Each time cited, more elusive. And every time referenced, measurably misused. Balance and boundary. Close your eyes and say each word aloud. What imagery floods your mind?

Image created using Copilot: Portals and Portrayals of Balance and Boundary

Their etymological origins offer a glimpse back into their profound significance, at one time anyway. While their evolving meanings in the past two decades serve up like a “check engine” light in your car for the challenges and misconceptions we face in an ever-connected world. Just today I read the news about 15,000 car dealerships suffering a cyber-attack and when I spoke to a technician, he longed for the days of paper, pen and people connection. Less plugs, more hugs. I can’t say I blame him.

Balance: From Weighing Scales to Life's Equilibrium

The word "balance" builds from strong roots - the Latin "bilanx," meaning "having two scales." An age-old image we know from ancient markets or courtroom drama whereby a weighing instrument with two dishes suspends from a central beam, always trying to find the fair distribution. Justice, time, coffee beans, no matter the substance, we humans are always trying to find fairness in all that is suspended in our lives. Or are we?

Over time, the concept of balance began to extend beyond physical objects in our reality, to then encompass our mental and emotional equilibrium. If only there were such a shiny sheet of metal in our minds upon which we could reflect. We can hardly look ourselves in the mirror, so I am not sure we could handle that reflection. And so, a single word became synonymous with even more out-of-reach concepts like harmony, stability, and a state of well-being achieved through the equal distribution of various elements in life. But who is the arbiter of equal? And who is the hand that scoops the beans on to the scale?

These past two to three decades we have created the condition for a shift to occur. More like a distortion – in the meaning of balance. The rise of social media’s, always-on, rise and grind "hustle culture" has ushered in an obnoxiously loud, pernicious performative version of balance. And it is showcased through carefully curated Instagram posts of yoga poses on beaches or green smoothies standing tall alongside laptops. This trend, while visually appealing for a dopamine hit creates a false sense of what true balance entails. What’s availed instead? Burnout. Breakdown. Brokenness.

Image crated in Copilot: The Myth of Hustle Culture = Burnout & Breakdowns

The constant pressure to showcase a pretentiously balanced life online can lead to feelings of inadequacy and burnout. And with the overlay of festivals, conferences, conventions, and gatherings, it makes it even harder to isolate what’s true from what’s trumped up. Each one of us can hear that slightly distant ping…like a bell on a buoy in a foggy harbor. It's important to get still and listen to that acoustic warning wading in the choppy waters so we don’t crash on the reefs of ruse.

No, true balance is not about achieving a picture-perfect image but rather about finding a sustainable rhythm that works for you, distinctly and differentiating you. Even if it means messy days and imperfect moments, and afternoons where you nap for two hours for no other reason that to rest. Because it is important to set a limit, something inherent to achieve balance.

Boundary: Exploring the Power of a Limit, a Line and a Stance

Can we understand balance if we first don’t understand boundary? The word "boundary" derives from the Old French "bodne," meaning "limit" or "border." It initially referred to physical demarcations, such as fences or walls, that defined property lines or territorial limits. “Borne” in French meant boundary stone, or border stone. These were robust physical markers that indicated the ending of something and the beginning of another. Properties, territories, plaques, seats of power. Often adorned and decorated with inscriptions, these granite canvas left no one dubious about where they stood and where limits began and ended.

And as the concept of boundary gradually expanded to encompass one’s personal space, no longer was it limited to castles, fortresses, farms and feuds. So today, it corresponds to a human’s emotional limits, and even the invisible lines that so succinctly define our relationships with others. And what about technology? Where are those boundary stones in our phones?

The notion of personal boundaries has become increasingly blurred, particularly in the digital realm. Just this past week, more news broke about States banning cell phones beyond the boundary stones of schools. And the U.S. Surgeon General issued an official advisory on the adverse effects social media is having on the mental health of our youth. Where do you set the boundary stone on 95% youth who report to using this medium “constantly?”  The advent of social media and the constant sharing of personal information have made it harder to maintain privacy and control over our digital identities, much less our personal boundary. While vulnerability and authenticity are valuable to a degree, the pressure to overshare, and always be on, can lead to a loss of sense of self and a diminished understanding of the importance of personal boundaries.

And it goes beyond our personal life, because in our work the expectation of immediate responses to emails and messages is like a slipstream. The unspoken expectation of responsiveness, it fluidly trails behind us, moving at a velocity similar to our ability to fire off chats and emails. And with every boundary that is slipped, we lose a little more of our limit. And soon enough, our responsiveness becomes our reputation. And we click past the timers set to remind us to unplug. We flick away that Apple Watch reminder telling us to take a break. And we laugh at the nudge that tells us to take some focus time. Focus? Really? That seems like a luxury. And therein lies the problem.

Image created in Copilot: Modern Day Myth of Sisyphus Using Social Media

When we must rely on the social media companies to help us set boundaries between dopamine drips and diatribes, we are already lost. Let’s face it, the boundaries between work and personal time, when left to an appraiser like Meta or another corporation will always favor the captor over the captive. We’ve learned and forgotten it all again. COVID taught us so much and still we returned to our habits, only worse this time. Way worse this time. There is little space for rest and rejuvenation. Unless we ruthlessly declare it and risk the rejection and reprimand that is likely to come with it, we will forget its role.  It's essential to establish clear boundaries in life and work and online and offline to protect our mental and emotional well-being. In this realm, it is never too late to get started, inscribing and annotating your own digital boundary stone. Yes, you will face harsh head wins and piercing pellets of judgement, but the erosion takes time to set it when you are built of travertine. Don’t fear scratches and tears, your journey is that of a stalwart, and your conviction of choice will show, well-worn on the stone, and people will look to you for strength and stories someday. Resolute to reclaim what is divinely yours and essential.

Reclaiming Our Balance and Boundary

Despite the continuous challenges and the abundant misuse of these terms, it is possible to reclaim balance and boundary in our lives. It begins with understanding where you begin and where you end in every interaction. Setting clear limits on those activities that take from our energy, our purpose and our joy, and replacing them with prioritized self-care feels rebellious. And it is. Rebellions are required for change to happen and set in sometimes. Cultivating meaningful relationships offline means we get back to understanding the power of friendship…in real life. Simon Sinek spoke about this recently in his episode on Diary of a CEO. We must declare our right to create spaces and places for rest, reflection, and personal growth. Set our boundary stones made of travertine ruthlessly and without regard for recognition, reconciliation or repayment.

Learning to say "no" is no easy task. It begins with understanding what is on your scales. You get to be the judge of what constitutes excessive, outweighed or unfair. Both at work and in your personal lives, essentialism is the antidote to the poison we are passively taking with every clip, swipe, tap and touch. Explore healthy boundaries. Disconnect to reconnect. Digital detox is the diet we all need. We risk drowning in our own notifications, just as Narcissus did, forever gazing into the poisonous pools of water before him.

Grant yourself permission to return to the roots of who you are and the words we use to define life today. Balance and boundary. What steps do you need to take to reclaim these essential elements in your life?

The pursuit of balance and boundary is not a luxury but a necessity for our well-being and our ability to thrive in an increasingly complex world.

Shall we begin?